Emotions

Disclaimer:
Expressions in this post will most likely be politically incorrect. You won't find any apologies here, so it might be best to move on to another blog if you should find afore mentioned post bothersome.


I try really hard not to get bogged down with the "why's" and the "how come's" and "what have I done wrong's" and all of those things that you go through when things haven't worked out the way you think they should've, but this morning I was upset.

Upset because I do not understand why two women who each have children from previous relationships can decide that they want to live an alternate lifestyle and then go a step further and--God knows I don't wanna know how--have a baby together.

WHY???

How is that fair???

I don't pretend to have it all together, and in no way do I feel like I'm better than they are, but this is so not fair. All my life I have wanted nothing more than to be a wife and a mom. For years growing up I was called Mother Goose because I always had a baby in each arm and a trail of toddlers following behind me. I was always afraid that the rapture would take place before I had the chance to be a mom. Now after almost fourteen years of marriage, I'm still afraid that might happen! :}

I just don't get it. And just about the time I feel like I'm becoming okay with the fact that--let's face it with tears coming down my face--I may never be a mom. This may be the life God wants for me. The lives that we touch through Ready Now may be the only kids I ever get to have, and if that's the case, fine, just let me be happy with that and take these other feelings away. Just when I start to let it sink in, this comes to my attention, and the roller coaster of emotion begins.

It's a girl I used to be friends with...I came across the information several days ago. I hadn't said anything to Dan about it, and I hadn't really even thought much about it until this morning. It just bothered me. It just really made me mad.

I was already at work, and I knew that if I didn't get it out of my system I would be upset all day. I called Dan and told him about everything and the way I was feeling. I cried; he prayed peace over me and asked God to keep things busy at work so I would be going all day with things and not have time to dwell on the situation. And He did. I was busy all day in one way or another. I'm so very thankful for my husband and his comforting words to me, and to my Father who overshadows me in this weary world we live in.

Overshadow me

I am overwhelmed.

In the shelter of Your wings

I still don't understand.

Holy Spirit, cover me

I don't know if I can let it go.

Overshadow me

Only by Your grace, Lord.

Overshadow me