Dan and I were honored to attend a wedding last night. The bride is the daughter of the last pastor we were on staff with in the Houston area about eight years ago.
And it truly was an honor to be invited. That young lady has had and will continue to have a special place in my heart.
However, there was a time when I could not even look at her parents because of all the hurt and ill feelings. Things were said to us that should never come from anyone, much less your pastor...things like, "I have a house and a church to build. I don't have time to work on a relationship with you." or "You will be divorced in less than a year."
Word curses.
Hurtful things that caused us to say we would never go into ministry again.
Fast forward eight years.
Over the years since that time, we've seen them at different events and fine arts. We've made small talk and exchanged pleasantries, but avoided the big bulky thing in the path that needed to be moved in order to successfully move forward. A couple of years ago, the Lord began to show us things from that situation that we should have done or could've done better. The next time Dan saw them, he apologized for our part of the ordeal. It was accepted, and the wife was very sweet, but he never really reciprocated. That was tough. After all the things that was said to us and about us to other people, we thought that if we put forth the effort, we'd be met halfway and then be able to take steps to fully mend the relationship. That didn't happen.
Until last night.
We had just finished dinner and were sitting with some of the people from that church we were on staff at. The parents of the bride and groom were walking around, talking with the guests. Randy came up to our conjoined table and was having general conversation. We were sitting at the end of the table, and as he made his way down to our end, he gave Dan a hug, and said, "Man, I love you. I have always loved y'all. I'm sorry for the way I treated y'all. I did not treat you the way a senior pastor should treat his staff. I should have lead you, and I didn't. I'm sorry."
While he's talking, Dan starts shaking his head and telling him that it wasn't all his fault.
He said, "I know there were things on both sides, but at that time I was going through some things that manifested itself later, and I didn't need to be in the ministry at that time, and I took it out on you, and I want you to know I'm sorry and I love you, and we are so glad you are here."
I know that it took a lot for him to say that, and I thanked him for it because it meant more to us than he'll ever know. It was pretty emotional.
It was a milestone...a full circle moment.
3 comments:
WOW! That pricked me really hard. I'm fighting tears right here at my desk. As someone who has experienced the life-altering devastation you can only experience in ministry, your words are very healing. I have often wondered what that situation would feel like. In some ways, I desire acknowledgement of responsibility from that person. At the very same time, I'm not sure I'm healed enough to be gracious to accept it and I worry that would shame my Father in Heaven. Thanks. Pray for me.
that's such a great testimony, ree. and what at amazing thing that you and dan had already prayed and forgiven in your hearts so that you could be truly christ-like in your acceptance of their delayed apology. definitely an awesome moment.
Thanks for sharing. I truly believe that if we don't share what we go through, in many ways it is in vain.
I guess you never know what someone else is going through. I am glad for your 'full circle experience'.
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