Expectation

I have been through a couple of Beth Moore's Bible studies, but I had never done Breaking Free. She has done an updated version recently, and although I can't compare it to the original, it is just what I need for this present time. It is perfect for obvious spiritual reasons, but it is also developing friendship bonds and connections with the other ladies in the group. Very timely.

In the study, she defines captivity as this: "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her."

One of the continual hinderances in my life has always been fear, and I've always associated it with fear of failure. That's part of it, but just fear, in general...fear of the unknown.

I remember when I was in 7th grade, it was the last six weeks of school where all athletic seasons were pretty much over for our level. I was never very coordinated in athletics, and I was the chunky girl in our class, but I had made it through volleyball, basketball, and track (read: shotput). Understand, of course, that there were no tryouts in my small school. Whoever showed up the first day of the season was what the coach had to work with.

So in the last six weeks of 7th period athletics, the coaches did the infamous "Spring Training", which was three weeks intense training in volleyball on MWF, weights on TTH. Then three weeks of equal training in basketball MWF, weights on TTH. I say "infamous" because the class just above us had told us how horrible it was.

And I was terrified.

Fear gripped me so hard that every day after 6th period English, I had to throw up because my stomach was in such knots. I knew it wasn't going to kill me. I knew it was probably for my good, but I could not get past the fear.

Thankfully, that was the only time I experienced the physical effects of fear, but the struggle has inwardly remained.

Last night, Dan and I were with a group of people in a time of prayer. As I was praying I felt the Lord impress on my heart this: "Do not face the future with fear. Face the future with expectation."

As I was studying this morning, one of the verses pointed out was Isaiah 44:20: "He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, 'Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?'"

Then I read this paragraph: "I remember one thing in particular I held onto with a virtual death grip. I also remember the harrowing moment God opened my eyes to see what a lie I had believed. I cried for days. I originally thought this lie was a good thing. My heart, handicapped in childhood, had deluded me. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I eventually bowed down and worshiped it. My only consolation in my idolatry is that I finally allowed God to peel away my fingers and to my knowledge have only grasped His hand since. Had I not discovered what a lie I held, I would never have run to Him to fill the void." Beth Moore

Trust Him.
Seek only Him.
Cling to Him.
Listen to Him.
Obey Him.
With expectation.