Expectation

I have been through a couple of Beth Moore's Bible studies, but I had never done Breaking Free. She has done an updated version recently, and although I can't compare it to the original, it is just what I need for this present time. It is perfect for obvious spiritual reasons, but it is also developing friendship bonds and connections with the other ladies in the group. Very timely.

In the study, she defines captivity as this: "A Christian is held captive by anything that hinders the abundant and effective Spirit-filled life God planned for her."

One of the continual hinderances in my life has always been fear, and I've always associated it with fear of failure. That's part of it, but just fear, in general...fear of the unknown.

I remember when I was in 7th grade, it was the last six weeks of school where all athletic seasons were pretty much over for our level. I was never very coordinated in athletics, and I was the chunky girl in our class, but I had made it through volleyball, basketball, and track (read: shotput). Understand, of course, that there were no tryouts in my small school. Whoever showed up the first day of the season was what the coach had to work with.

So in the last six weeks of 7th period athletics, the coaches did the infamous "Spring Training", which was three weeks intense training in volleyball on MWF, weights on TTH. Then three weeks of equal training in basketball MWF, weights on TTH. I say "infamous" because the class just above us had told us how horrible it was.

And I was terrified.

Fear gripped me so hard that every day after 6th period English, I had to throw up because my stomach was in such knots. I knew it wasn't going to kill me. I knew it was probably for my good, but I could not get past the fear.

Thankfully, that was the only time I experienced the physical effects of fear, but the struggle has inwardly remained.

Last night, Dan and I were with a group of people in a time of prayer. As I was praying I felt the Lord impress on my heart this: "Do not face the future with fear. Face the future with expectation."

As I was studying this morning, one of the verses pointed out was Isaiah 44:20: "He feeds on ashes, a deluded heart misleads him; he cannot save himself, or say, 'Is not this thing in my right hand a lie?'"

Then I read this paragraph: "I remember one thing in particular I held onto with a virtual death grip. I also remember the harrowing moment God opened my eyes to see what a lie I had believed. I cried for days. I originally thought this lie was a good thing. My heart, handicapped in childhood, had deluded me. Although I didn't realize it at the time, I eventually bowed down and worshiped it. My only consolation in my idolatry is that I finally allowed God to peel away my fingers and to my knowledge have only grasped His hand since. Had I not discovered what a lie I held, I would never have run to Him to fill the void." Beth Moore

Trust Him.
Seek only Him.
Cling to Him.
Listen to Him.
Obey Him.
With expectation.

Posts like these....

...Aren't meant to draw attention to myself.
...Aren't meant to be braggadocios.
...Aren't meant to make anyone think one way or another about me.

...Are to remind myself of how far I've come.
...Are to give hope that nothing is impossible.
...Are to bring me back to reality that a small set back does not mean the battle is all for naught.

The Road

"...Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference." Last portion of "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost

Last night Dan and I decided to go into Waxahachie for dinner. It only takes about 15 minutes to get there from our house, taking Hwy 287. We went a different route, one we had never taken before.

The road was an unmarked, two lane road with a group of houses here...then a group of houses there...with lots of natural, undeveloped land in between. It was a beautiful drive.

About ten minutes into the drive, we began to get a little nervous because we really didn't know where the road led. We assumed at the beginning that it would eventually connect to a larger road, but we had lost count of how many curves we had taken. A fork in the road came up, so we just took the one that was in the general direction of where we needed to go.

There were no signs. Evidently, most people who took that road knew where they were and where they were going.

There were times when the overgrowth of trees beside the road connected like a canopy overhead. We could not see beyond where we were right then.

Then, there was a clearing, and I saw the water tower of Waxahachie...a sign that we were headed in the right direction, and we weren't far away from our destination.

"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and light unto my path." Psalm 119:105

Once again, we were surrounded by trees. This time, though, we had confidence because we saw a sign.

Sure enough, about five minutes later we connected with a larger road that took us straight where we wanted to go.

I thought about that road and how our lives with God are similar. We go in the direction He leads us without knowing all the details. We start out with confidence, enjoying the ride. Then, sometimes we can't even see our feet in front of us, and we begin to question the way. We keep going, relying on the initial direction, and before we know it, He gives us a sign to give us confirmation and resolve.

Oh, the things He uses to teach us!

"Trust in Jehovah with all thy heart, and lean not upon thine own understanding; In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6