Dear Dan~
I miss you!!! I can't wait until next week when I get to see you and talk with you and laugh with you.
Even though you aren't here physically, you still take care of me. Thank you for taking care of calling those people today and for always letting me know that we are going to be okay, one way or the other.
It's not the same without you here. For one thing, the feather bed is starting to hang off my side of the bed because you're not on the other side of the bed holding it in place! Even Rosie's not the same without you here. She hardly gives me kisses anymore because she's so sad. :(
But on the bright side...I get to see you in six days!!!! Yea!!! I can't wait. I'm so excited! And I really am looking forward to going to Indi next month! We are going to have a ball! Hopefully this year will start out better than last year...ha ha.
Well, I will close for now. It is getting late.
I love you, baby.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Time to Fess Up
Yeah...so...I have to set the record straight.
Last Friday night I had plans with my friends, but it was possible that I might have to "go see" Dan if I had a hormone surge. Well, Friday came with no surge, and I did not go out with my friends Friday night because I holed myself up in my house. I was feeling sorry for myself and did not want to see anyone or talk to anyone about anything. That's bad enough, but what's worse is that I just let everyone think that I went to Dallas so I wouldn't have to tell them the truth.
Or maybe I didn't want to face the truth.
Anyway.
Well, that's it in a nutshell. I do feel bad about it, but I can't change it. There were three or four things that hit me all at once, the main one being the whole baby-thing. I just shut down. I really thought that it would happen this month, but it didn't, and I'm moving on. We'll keep trying, and I'm sure we'll go another round next month. I think I'm just making too big of a deal of it all. I want to say it doesn't matter, but it does.
And that's about it.
I'm sorry, my friends, for hiding and not celebrating.
Last Friday night I had plans with my friends, but it was possible that I might have to "go see" Dan if I had a hormone surge. Well, Friday came with no surge, and I did not go out with my friends Friday night because I holed myself up in my house. I was feeling sorry for myself and did not want to see anyone or talk to anyone about anything. That's bad enough, but what's worse is that I just let everyone think that I went to Dallas so I wouldn't have to tell them the truth.
Or maybe I didn't want to face the truth.
Anyway.
Well, that's it in a nutshell. I do feel bad about it, but I can't change it. There were three or four things that hit me all at once, the main one being the whole baby-thing. I just shut down. I really thought that it would happen this month, but it didn't, and I'm moving on. We'll keep trying, and I'm sure we'll go another round next month. I think I'm just making too big of a deal of it all. I want to say it doesn't matter, but it does.
And that's about it.
I'm sorry, my friends, for hiding and not celebrating.
Sunday, July 8, 2007
The Picture
I was looking at the myspace of some friends of ours who have struggled with infertility throughout their marriage. They are about to have twin girls. There was a picture of them taken on Father's Day, standing on the porch, arm in arm, her eight months pregnant. They look amazing, completely glowing and at peace. There was a comment on the picture that said,
"I wish I could go back in time and show you this picture."
Wouldn't that be amazing? If in the middle of our circumstance we could see a picture of how it's all going to turn out okay, somehow, someway. To know that one day we will stand with the sun on our faces, completely at peace, knowing that a miracle was performed by the Almighty on our behalf.
What an incredible thought.
But would it taint the outcome? Would we be the stronger people that we become in going through our trials? Would we get lazy and not do the work that is required to have our miracle? Would we still cling to the Promises that are on repeat in our head day in and day out if we know the outcome?
Or if we saw that picture, would we even recognize the peaceful faces as being our own? Would we deny the outcome that is ours because of the overwhelming feeling of unworthiness, or would we begin to put our faith in the outcome instead of the Provider?
Jesus,
Help me to trust You and You alone. Keep my focus pure. Be my strength. Hold my hand. I depend on You and lean on Your everlasting promises. I need You...I can't make it on my own. I know I'll see my picture in Your timing, but until then, hold me close....
"I wish I could go back in time and show you this picture."
Wouldn't that be amazing? If in the middle of our circumstance we could see a picture of how it's all going to turn out okay, somehow, someway. To know that one day we will stand with the sun on our faces, completely at peace, knowing that a miracle was performed by the Almighty on our behalf.
What an incredible thought.
But would it taint the outcome? Would we be the stronger people that we become in going through our trials? Would we get lazy and not do the work that is required to have our miracle? Would we still cling to the Promises that are on repeat in our head day in and day out if we know the outcome?
Or if we saw that picture, would we even recognize the peaceful faces as being our own? Would we deny the outcome that is ours because of the overwhelming feeling of unworthiness, or would we begin to put our faith in the outcome instead of the Provider?
Jesus,
Help me to trust You and You alone. Keep my focus pure. Be my strength. Hold my hand. I depend on You and lean on Your everlasting promises. I need You...I can't make it on my own. I know I'll see my picture in Your timing, but until then, hold me close....
Wednesday, July 4, 2007
Happy 4th!!!
Hope everyone had a great celebration of independence on this special day. I had a good day at work and then got to spend some time with my special friends that came into town for a visit. I am truly a blessed woman to be able to have the freedoms I have in such a great country.
God bless America, land that I love...
God bless America, land that I love...
Tuesday, July 3, 2007
Company's Coming!
I'm gonna have a visitor!!!
My best friend Kristi and her family are coming for 4th of July! Yea!!! They are driving in this afternoon and have to go back home Thursday morning. The bad thing is that I have to work everyday. :( It's okay, though, at least we get to have some time.
We have known each other since I guess we were about 12 or 13. Our parents are both pastors and liked to play cards together, so it started out to where we kinda "had" to hang out together. Then over the years, we grew a lot closer and by the time we graduated from high school we were pretty much inseperable. And we lived in different towns! Oh, the stories we could tell on each other...
We got married within three months of each other, the same year...1994. We've both been through a lot, and we haven't always gotten to see each other very much, but we always stay in contact and keep up with each other. She has two beautiful kids, Camden and Kenzee.
I'm so excited!!!!
My best friend Kristi and her family are coming for 4th of July! Yea!!! They are driving in this afternoon and have to go back home Thursday morning. The bad thing is that I have to work everyday. :( It's okay, though, at least we get to have some time.
We have known each other since I guess we were about 12 or 13. Our parents are both pastors and liked to play cards together, so it started out to where we kinda "had" to hang out together. Then over the years, we grew a lot closer and by the time we graduated from high school we were pretty much inseperable. And we lived in different towns! Oh, the stories we could tell on each other...
We got married within three months of each other, the same year...1994. We've both been through a lot, and we haven't always gotten to see each other very much, but we always stay in contact and keep up with each other. She has two beautiful kids, Camden and Kenzee.
I'm so excited!!!!
Home Alone
Well, it's just me and the dog-child. Dan is at camp.
We left Sunday morning about 8:15 and got into Arlington around noon to do a little shopping. We had our heart set on eating at our favorite place...PF Chang's. Well, I should say one of our favorite places; Cheesecake Factory ranks way on up there as well. By the time we got our shopping done, it was about 2:30, so we figured the rush would have already been over by then. Not so. We also thought that if there was a wait, we could just sit at the bar. Again, not so. The bar was completely full, and there was, like, an hour wait. We did not stay. :( Which kinda ended up being a good thing because as soon as we left Chang's, a huge storm started rolling in. We beat the storm out to Waxahachie, picked up Chicken Express and headed on out to the camp. There for a while there was actually a tornado warning for around Waxahachie. Later on when we went back in to town to go to HEB, we saw a lot of wind damage and some of the roads were flooded. I'm glad my car was faster than that storm!!!
We got Dan settled in his room, then we had dinner with a lot of the crew that was already out there. I left the camp about 7:00 the next morning and headed back to San Angelo to go to work. I didn't want to come home without Dan.
This time is always so bittersweet. We love camp. We have always loved camp. It's where we spent our summers growing up and where we met. It' s where I learned how to get over the fear of singing in front of other people, and where Dan and I were both called into ministry. Some of our strongest friendships were established and developed at camp. So it just makes sense that one of the things that Dan loves to do is be the medic out at the youth camp for the month of July. It makes sense, but I miss him. My world is not the same without him here. I will probably go up there the end of this week or next week, then I will spend the last week of July there during my vacation. So it's not like I won't see him for a whole month, but you know, a half-empty bed every night until then is lonely. :(
Editor's Note: We actually grew up going to Roaring Springs Youth Camp in Roaring Springs, TX, where, by the way, are no roaring springs, just a dried up river bed, after, of course, you've driven 10 miles on a dirt road, over six cattle guards and a rickety weak bridge (affectionately known as "the seven day bridge" because the sign said "Week Bridge"). It is the camp for the West Texas district, which is a far cry from the resort that the North Texas district has, which is where Dan is right now. And if you think I'm exaggerating, ask DeLana. She doesn't lie. Not that I lie, either, I'm just saying...
We left Sunday morning about 8:15 and got into Arlington around noon to do a little shopping. We had our heart set on eating at our favorite place...PF Chang's. Well, I should say one of our favorite places; Cheesecake Factory ranks way on up there as well. By the time we got our shopping done, it was about 2:30, so we figured the rush would have already been over by then. Not so. We also thought that if there was a wait, we could just sit at the bar. Again, not so. The bar was completely full, and there was, like, an hour wait. We did not stay. :( Which kinda ended up being a good thing because as soon as we left Chang's, a huge storm started rolling in. We beat the storm out to Waxahachie, picked up Chicken Express and headed on out to the camp. There for a while there was actually a tornado warning for around Waxahachie. Later on when we went back in to town to go to HEB, we saw a lot of wind damage and some of the roads were flooded. I'm glad my car was faster than that storm!!!
We got Dan settled in his room, then we had dinner with a lot of the crew that was already out there. I left the camp about 7:00 the next morning and headed back to San Angelo to go to work. I didn't want to come home without Dan.
This time is always so bittersweet. We love camp. We have always loved camp. It's where we spent our summers growing up and where we met. It' s where I learned how to get over the fear of singing in front of other people, and where Dan and I were both called into ministry. Some of our strongest friendships were established and developed at camp. So it just makes sense that one of the things that Dan loves to do is be the medic out at the youth camp for the month of July. It makes sense, but I miss him. My world is not the same without him here. I will probably go up there the end of this week or next week, then I will spend the last week of July there during my vacation. So it's not like I won't see him for a whole month, but you know, a half-empty bed every night until then is lonely. :(
Editor's Note: We actually grew up going to Roaring Springs Youth Camp in Roaring Springs, TX, where, by the way, are no roaring springs, just a dried up river bed, after, of course, you've driven 10 miles on a dirt road, over six cattle guards and a rickety weak bridge (affectionately known as "the seven day bridge" because the sign said "Week Bridge"). It is the camp for the West Texas district, which is a far cry from the resort that the North Texas district has, which is where Dan is right now. And if you think I'm exaggerating, ask DeLana. She doesn't lie. Not that I lie, either, I'm just saying...
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thank You
Thanks to all of my peeps who gave me encouragment through my own personal freak out.
These are some scriptures that have been on repeat in my head...
2 Tim 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel."
This one is a bit lengthy, but a passage I've been clinging to for about seven years now...
Isaiah 54
"Sing, o barren, you who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, you who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; do not spare; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit the nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited. Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Isreal; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused," says your God, "For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you," says the Lord, your Redeemer. "For this is like the waters of Noah to Me; for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth, so have I sworn that I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you. For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has mercy on you. "O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me. Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake. Behold, I have created the blacksmith who blows the coals in the fire, who brings forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the spoiler to destroy. No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises up against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me," says the Lord.
These are some scriptures that have been on repeat in my head...
2 Tim 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."
Isaiah 45:3 "I will give you the treasures of darkness and hidden riches of secret places, that you may know that I, the Lord, who call you by your name, am the God of Israel."
This one is a bit lengthy, but a passage I've been clinging to for about seven years now...
Isaiah 54
"Sing, o barren, you who have not borne! Break forth into singing, and cry aloud, you who have not labored with child! For more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married woman," says the Lord. "Enlarge the place of your tent, and let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings; do not spare; lengthen your cords, and strengthen your stakes. For you shall expand to the right and to the left, and your descendants will inherit the nations, and make the desolate cities inhabited. Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; for you will forget the shame of your youth, and will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is His name; and your Redeemer is the Holy One of Isreal; He is called the God of the whole earth. For the Lord has called you like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, like a youthful wife when you were refused," says your God, "For a mere moment I have forsaken you, but with great mercies I will gather you. With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment; but with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you," says the Lord, your Redeemer. "For this is like the waters of Noah to Me; for as I have sworn that the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth, so have I sworn that I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you. For the mountains shall depart and the hills be removed, but my kindness shall not depart from you, nor shall my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has mercy on you. "O you afflicted one, tossed with tempest, and not comforted, behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems, and lay your foundations with sapphires. I will make your pinnacles of rubies, your gates of crystal, and all your walls of precious stones. All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the peace of your children. In righteousness you shall be established; you shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear; and from terror, for it shall not come near you. Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me. Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake. Behold, I have created the blacksmith who blows the coals in the fire, who brings forth an instrument for his work; and I have created the spoiler to destroy. No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises up against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me," says the Lord.
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